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Impossible Pants

I think I mentioned already that I have a fancy wedding I have to go to in August, and the fact that I have no formal clothes (or formalish, even) has become a total daily fixation. So this is the kind of androgynous gentlewoman look that, ideally, I would like to show up in. All I really need is very expensive pants. Isn’t it the right of every human being to have very expensive pants (don’t think about it too hard)?

Also, I wish this shiny-holding leather pouch actually existed. I have an ongoing daydream that I’ll someday meet the amazing local leatherworker Tannis Hegan, and convince her to take a commission for one.

I was hoping to do another round of speculative videogame design this summer, but since my head is all wound up in current projects, I’m going to stick to “look at this, it is tasty” for the coming while. Next week I’ll put up my “Vancouver” section, and start filling that with detailed notes about my favourite places. Woe betide anyone who doesn’t care about muffins.

I’ll leave you with this fine goblin drawing that Brandon did as part of a birthday package. It has a shiny pouch too, see? Can’t fight the moonlight, Marian.

17 responses to “Impossible Pants”

  1. Horse Cooorpse

    Dear miss Churchland,
    Please consider the idea of opening your own clothing store named “Impossible Pants”, you could sit out the back all day eating muffins and drawing fantastic garments which your goblin workforce would then magic into existence via alchemy. I would fly to Canada just to shop at your store,
    Thank you.

    Regards from England,

    Benjamin T Merry,

    Reply
    1. Marian

      Actually, I keep meaning to write a lengthy (probably several-part) post about a Hchom store, and all its various goods and services. I’ll keep it doubly in mind, now.

      Reply
      1. Benjamin T Merry

        Oh, I am so going to look forward to that! I may pee my pantaloons in anticipation.

        Reply
      2. EruditeDragon

        First time poster here… Oooh, that does sound neat! I’ll definitely have to look out for those posts!

        Shame you won’t be doing any hypothetical game design; those are awesome reads (and explain why the Oblivion mods you made – hope you end up going back to those and/or modding Skyrim – are so darned awesome.). In fact, that’s actually how I found out about you… not through your art, or your witty banter, but your modding work. Jury’s still out on whether that’s awesome or sad… though I’m leaning towards awesome.

        Reply
        1. Marian

          Ack, I’m sorry I didn’t see your comment until now. That’s SO AWESOME (jury is in) you found me through my mods. I keep meaning to make a post about those, actually – you probably noticed that they tended to have a slightly disproportionate number of bakeries in them.
          I do plan to try out some modding for Skyrim (though if the creation kit is very evolved, it will probably be some months before I make any that are publishable).
          It’s always good to know I have an audience for the game design posts – I will do more in the future.

          Reply
          1. EruditeDragon

            XD No problem, Marian; god knows I’ve missed comments before… It happens.

            Anyhow, when you get those Skyrim mods made (or update your Oblivion mods), you have a tester right here who’d be happy to help ya.

            I can be contacted at TESNexus with the same username as here, but I’m more easily contacted at TESAlliance: http://tesalliance.org/forums/ Again, same username. I’d encourage you to register, if ya want; it’s a friendly, active modding community who are very helpful.

            Far as Skyrim’s Creation Kit goes, I think they’ve said that it’ll be easier to use… and they’ll still be using .nif files, so there’s a big plus.

            And to make this at least semi related to the OP…. Pants. That is all. XD

            Reply
  2. Kimiko

    I second Mr. Merry’s idea. People could get 10% off if they brought you muffins! Unless they were awful muffins. Then they could pay an additional 10%.

    Seriously, though, why don’t you learn how to sew?

    Reply
    1. Horse Cooorpse

      Exactly, the currency could be shinies so that only the most hardened of adventurers could shop there!

      Reply
    2. Marian

      I know, I often wonder why I don’t at least try to learn. I think some sick part of me likes buying (when I can, that is) the pricey pants, imbuing them with weird importance, etc.

      You know, like in Zelda, when you get something new and you hold it up above your head to triumphant music. It’s those damned videogames, teaching me to want all the rarest and shiniest things.

      Reply
      1. Benjamin T Merry

        Zelda has ruined us all.

        Reply
        1. EruditeDragon

          Hey, I was weak to shiny objects long before I found out about Zelda, though it may have made things worse…

          Reply
  3. Krazmo

    My GF sees your drawing and is all like “Why don’t WE get muffin delivery?!!”

    So now I gotta make muffins.

    Reply
  4. Ruth

    Unrelated to your post, I found some shinies you might like: http://melbournemetalcollective.bigcartel.com/

    Reply
  5. Christina

    Heyyyyy, so I loooove Ann D. (the talon heel boots omg), but I think I have a potential hold-over solution until Brandon comes to his senses and buys you impossible pants: Is there a china or koreatown where you live? Probably. If so, you can go there with some non-impossible pants that sort of fit, and a picture of the impossible pants, and find a cheap tailor that will alter them accordingly. I would look up reviews of tailors online first. I did something similar to turn some mom-slacks into cute sailor-type high-waisted shorts and it worked like a charm. Saved me several hundred dollars compared with the impossible shorts I wanted. Just a thought……. happy hunting!

    Reply
  6. kim

    if you do acquire your impossible pants lemme know how you intend to fold and store them! i’m always creasing mine and am very much in the want for a fantastical hanger i’m sure that’s only available on the goblin market :)

    Reply
  7. Michael Nineohseven

    This is unrelated but…… I just finished Beast. It is a wonderful piece of work. Thank you.

    Reply
    1. Marian

      Thank you very much – I’m glad you liked it.

      Reply

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