I know my last post was a want list, so really, isn’t it time for an Impossible Jacket or the Spring 2012 line or something? But no, in my personal triage system, this want list is bleeding all over the floor from its gruesomely severed main artery. Which is to say, I’m feeling more than usually petulant and in need of everything that is tasty and awesome and expensive, and the internet at large must know.
So, it turns out that my recent health stuff (I promised to report if it was Hchom-relevant) is possibly related to food allergies. I took a blood test, and here’s what I’m intolerant to: wheat, all dairy, eggs (eggs, man!), almonds, beef, garlic, ginger, mustard, and some other stuff that’s less sensational. I was actually ready for wheat – it sort of runs in the family – but I had no idea it would be nearly this dramatic.
Of course I want to beat my breast and tear out my hair, and make hyperbolic statements about how I’m allergic to ALL TASTY THINGS. But I know that a lot of people have it way worse, so I’m willing to roll with this – certainly in the hope of not feeling like the risen dead on a daily basis. What really, really sucks is that I’m going to be the biggest drag ever, for anyone who has to eat a meal with me – at least for the next year or so. As if I wasn’t enough of a weird, anxious hermit.
And of course it affects all my comforting daily routines, which is almost as bad. Just after I got these results, I took a walk to my favourite cafe, Le Marché St. George (but I call it the Hobbit Market), and the awesome lady who runs the place gave me a wodge of croissant pudding for free, because she knows I love it. And there may have been tears. Thank you, nicest Hobbit Market lady! It was the best sendoff ever.
I suppose I’ll have to find new equivalents, but that doesn’t seem possible. There is nothing on earth that will stand in for the beloved ritual of walking to the Hobbit Market, hoping they will have my croissant pudding.
There’s still an actual post somewhere at the end of all this. As I was saying, I don’t want to be all melodramatic, but I am famous in song and story for my love of muffins and buttery pies. So I’ve put together a nice, imaginary care package for myself to help me through this period of mourning. And now let’s get to that.
1. When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time collecting sticks, and whittling the ends into sharp points so I could name them after the swords in bad fantasy books and old Squaresoft RPGS. Atma-weapon! Masamune! I think I was pretty awesome, actually. So I’d like another pocket knife – I have a lot of sword-naming to catch up on – and this is one I’ve been eying for a while.
2. I’m aware I talked about Beta 5 in the last Want List, but everyone knows that wants just fester if left unfulfilled. Want want want.
3. Some fancy fizzy thing? I can’t even settle on a specific one.
4. Trust me to have already found a lead on vegan, wheat-free desserts within 10 blocks of my apartment. Most of the items here have almonds (and are pricey, alas), but a few things don’t. I tried the chocolate macaroons, and now I want vast, vast quantities more.
5. My famed hoard of many honeys is down to one jar. That’s like when the Carebears’ care-o-meter (or whatever it was called) drops nearly to zero, and Carealot starts crumbling to pieces (surely this is a pivotal memory for everyone). So really that one little jar is just emblematic. I need, like, seven.
6. Desperate times call for NEW SHINIES.
7. Introducing for the first time: a want list within a want list. In close consultation with Brandon, I’ve decided it’s been way too long since I’ve received a Loot Bag – like the kind they gave out at children’s birthday parties (do they, still?). And if I’m going to be specific, I want a SPACE-themed Loot Bag. This selection about covers it, but a higher tasty-things quotient wouldn’t hurt. And have you guys seen these SPACE BUGS? Is this some kind of annoying toy fad that makes me look really uncool? Is it just that (Mass-Effect-omni-tool) shade of early-nineties transparent fluorescent orange hitting my internal nostalgia unit like an Acme Anvil? Because I don’t care, I saw them in a toy store yesterday, and they are SO RAD.